sitting in an artificial world

What I’ve learned this week: I can’t keep working 60 hour weeks, I get run down, burned out and just don’t want to work. I’ve stopped writing, why have I stopped writing? When did my life revolve around what is happening on facebook? Its like I’m addicted to facebook and everyone else’s lives, when did I stop living my life? Why am I so involved in facebook and what is going on?

I used to have my phone on 24/7 and now, there are days where I just turn it to silent, I don’t need to constantly and if you need me constantly, you can wait until I get back to the phone. I used to be always available while driving but I can’t find my headset and its a relief to be honest, that while I’m driving, the phone is not available period. My mind wanders, I’ve started noticing things that I didn’t notice before, I’m not always connected to technology and yet, i have this weird sense of needing to check facebook all the time, why? Its not like I see most of these people on a daily basis nor have I spoken to many of them in many moons. Ex-boyfriends have gotten married and had kids, the only news I get is now on facebook and I seemed to be living vicariously through other people’s lives on facebook.

Well, I used to write more and have my own opinions but since being on facebook, I tend not to share what I really think because I have clients connected on facebook now and do I really want to share my actual opinion on facebook, so now I’ve censored myself on facebook!  I am so much more than the person that people see on facebook but I’ve become this ridiculously boring person that likes cats.

I have cats yes, but I’m not the crazy cat lady. To be honest, I have never once gone out actively seeking a cat to have. They have always found me. But I am a generous soul and I won’t turn away an animal in need, I also happened to love dogs of all sizes and would love to have a rottweiler but the cats won’t let me. I had always secretly hoped one day, I wouldn’t have cats, that my last old cat would be gone and I could finally get a dog but the universe works in mysterious ways or Stinky and Turtle had other plans for me, they left and a few months later, a momma cat and her kittens showed up, one of the kittens is partially blind and now the cycle starts over. Kittens are so adorably cute and no one will want a blind one and after taking care of everyone, shots and getting them fixed, why would I want to give them away. I’ve always had 13 cats, never more, never less. 13 must be my lucky number.

Serendipity Cat Sanctuary is now officially closed, the idea was great but the actuality of it didn’t make sense. Having a non-profit is having another business and I already work 60 hour weeks with the current two companies, why would I think I could take on another business?  It didn’t make sense to start another business + all the licenses and fees, let me tell you starting a non-profit, make sure you have at least 3200 to start the process for the fees, the state fees, the IRS fees, the setup fees and that doesn’t even include the payroll fees or the money you put aside to help whatever you’re helping with. That $3200 could have gone to Vet Bills, Food, Supplies but nope it all went to government fees and didn’t even include the licensing fees with the county and city.  And then the city and county permits, I was afraid they would come in here and see I wasn’t adequately setup to take care of special needs animals and take away my furkids.

Its kind of like email, how often do you check your email, as often as you check your phone for messages or facebook? I used to have my emails open all the time and see everything that was coming in constantly but now, I check it in the morning, I might leave it open for a few hours and then I close it. I do have email on my phone but like I said before, I don’t check my phone that often anymore. I figure if its really urgent, someone will call. I check my emails again in the evening. Whatever it is, can wait. When did we get so connected to technology? What happened to going outside and working or playing. I remember when I was little, we’d take off on our bikes and be gone for hours, no way for anyone to get in touch with us, just the freedom of playing til dusk.  We didn’t even have computers when I was little, yes, dating myself a little but my world didn’t revolve around sitting on a computer for 12 hours a day. Those sugary treats my mom gave me when I was little, well those were burned off from a day of being outside and moving around. These days, kids, people don’t get outside and move around, they just sit at a computer.

I swore to myself, that I would never be one of those people that just sat at their computers and gained weight but here I am, over 200lbs, sitting at a computer day in and day out, never getting up, never exercising, checking my facebook constantly.  Sitting in an artificial world, artificial light starting at a computer when outside is beautiful and calling me to go outside and enjoy it but I have things to do, peoples books to manage and I think to myself, they get to take the weekend off, why do I torture myself and work and work and work through my weekends. I should be enjoying my weekends and my evenings and doing something I want to do not work.  I’ve lost my creative thought process living through my computer, the world is abound with things to things to see and do and I’ve missed the summer and sunlight because I sit here on my computer all day.

I’ve been so busy that I haven’t stopped and let myself just be. I need to stop worrying so much about my clients being disappointed in my work, they aren’t paying me so why should I be so concerned about getting there stuff done. Starting right now, I get my days off. My clients get their days off to recharge and regroup so why shouldn’t I?

So what have I learned this week:

  1. Start writing again
  2. Get off the computer and go outside and build something, do something fun that I want to do
  3. Finish the office remodel
  4. Work 8 hour days period. If its not done today, it will still be there tomorrow. Stop promising deadlines
  5. Stop worrying that I’m disappointing clients, if they don’t like my work, they can go somewhere else.
  6. Friday and Saturdays are my day off period.
  7. Leave the technology behind on the weekends (unless of course I need to learn how to build something or fix something like the sprinkler system)
  8. Go to a yoga class, damn paying for it, I need to go!
  9. Take time for myself, period.
  10. Stop checking facebook constantly
  11. Go outside and get some sunlight, swim in the pool!
  12. And finish one design that got started and stopped

Getting off the computer right now! Whatever needs to be done, can wait until tomorrow.